Adventures in 2012

Ahhh, another year is over!  I absolutely cannot believe it.  It seems with little ones the days CREEP by as you are in the moment and FLY by as soon as you realize you don't have babies anymore.  This past year for us, as in most families has been one of super high highs, and super low lows.  In some ways it seems as though all that happened in the last year should be split into at least 2 years; not just 365 days!  As I sit here writing this and listening to the football game, one word that enters my mind is blessed.  We have been truly blessed by the events of this year.

I think that every holiday season for most military families are bittersweet.  You teeter on the edge of wanting to "be in the moment," however, knowing that next  year's holiday could be very different.  Last New Year's Eve we were missing a family member, and most likely next year we will be again.  I personally struggle with not looking at a scene like my spouse on the couch with our two littles curled up beside him, knowing that 2011 they missed him and in 2013 they will miss him again.  There is a bumper sticker that I roll my eyes at every time I see it that says, "live every day like he deploys tomorrow."  I get it, live in the moment.  Don't have regrets.  Leave everything on the table.  But geez, the day before a deployment royally stinks!  I would prefer to live like he will deploy in 2 months ;)

In January, we were still traveling back from the "Mommy's lost her mind, trip of the East Coast!"

We welcomed our missing family member in February!  A moment that I am so thankful that my friend Jen was able to capture for us on camera.  Our youngest will not remember this deployment at all, but for sure his return is when she worked the magic of being a "Daddy's Girl" on his heart.

In March, I ran my first half marathon.  A feat that I would not have been able to do without the support of some wonderful friends.  I 100% fell in love with running races.  I have enjoyed running, but I sure do love running the race.  I love meeting new people and spending a 2.5 hours or less talking to my new "best" friends (and in case you are wondering, some people do keep the headphones in and pretend they do not see me)!

In April, we took an awesome family vacation.  We spent a week in Myrtle Beach with the place to ourselves.  It was a wonderful time to reconnect and make memories.

In May, we lost a baby and the feeling of hopelessness was nearly overwhelming.  My husband is a rock.  Our truth rests in the knowledge that we are not hopeless and know that the Lord has a plan.

In June, July, and August the kids and I went to the beach every single week.  The fresh air, the sand and sun, well....we learned why we loved living here in North Carolina!  In July, we had been back  for 1 year already.  Our youngest turned 2 and with that came a personality like no other!  I learned that purple is her favorite color and really, in her eyes there is not other color out there.  She also started taking gymnastics, and well.......that child has no fear and she does look incredibly cute in her leotard.  In August, we had the chance to take a mini vacation to Europe since my husband would be there for work already.  It was heavenly!

In September, both kids started school.  My little introverted guy, could do without it and my little extrovert girl, well, she would go every day if she could!

In October, I found myself doing all kinds of charity work.  I became involved with the Dress A Girl Organization.  They are AWESOME.  Look for a post on DAG soon.

In November, I got to host Thanksgiving.  That was fun.  There is nothing that makes you feel more like an adult then making that meal and the kids got to be entertained by their older cousins!  Yes, I could have these guys at my house at least once a week :)

This brings me to December.  This month has been interesting.  I have gotten to watch some friends welcome home spouses.  Every homecoming is special, no matter whose it is.  They will always bring tears to your eyes and make you appreciate what you have.  This was the first Christmas that we didn't travel, but we were still able to spend it with family from Alabama, Tennessee and Australia. 

Although our year's end was very different then what we had planned the first few months, I am able to see God's good works through it all.  His peace that passes understanding is what we came to rely on through it all.

Oh, 2012 you taught us so many things.  I am interested in seeing what 2013 will teach us.  As we embark on this new year, keep us in your prayers.  I have a feeling it's going to be an Adventurous and Chaotic Ride!

Adventures in Grattitude

Today is the last day in November, where in the world has the time gone?  We have almost lived one more year.  WOW!  The month of November always encourages people to reflect on what they are thankful for.  I have enjoyed reading posts on Facebook from friends.  It's made me reflect, although I have not been one to do the project.  Anything I have to consiously write every day tends to not get done, thus the long days between blog posts.   I think about it a lot and I think about how I should post it, but I just never get around to actually doing it!

This past month has made me really realize how much of a complainer I am.  Reading other people's thankful posts has made me stop and think.  I want to, no slash that I need to, strive to have an attitude of grattitude.  I'm not saying that we don't need a time or place or good friend to vent to.  That is completely acceptable and very much necessary.  I'm talking about just an overall attitude of thankfullness.  I would like to exude that, you know.  I want people to remember that about me.  How can I do that?  How do I strive to recognize in my daily life what I am thankful for, rather than dwelling on what I don't have, or can't do, or what I could do better, or how I could make something easier.  I seem like a hard person to get a long with, geez, I hope that is not the case!!!

You know, we never really know the company we keep when in a group of people.  I think when standing in a group of friends complaining that my husband is late for dinner every night, there is someone who is wishing thier husband was home so that he could be late.  Or when complaining that my daughter is insistant that she wear only purple clothes, there is someone who is wishing thier daughter was able to talk and tell her that she wanted to wear purple that day.  Or when complaining that my son won't eat the food I fix him, there is someone wishing she had just one more day with her son to feed him one more meal.  When realizing this, I recognized that I am probabally unwillingly hurting others, and that makes me very sad.

 I guess my point is that I am striving to be more thankful EVERY day.  I'm trying to remind myself EVERY day that what I complain about others are thankful for.  I am not perfect, and I don't claim to be.  I don't want to be either.  I think all of us can use a reminder at times, it's easy to get caught up in the chaos of everyday life and just forget that what we have is enough. 

This is what I am thankful for today!

 

Such blessings!

 

"Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes 5:16-18

Adventures in Voting

I admit it.  I want a redo.  I regret my decision.  I need to change my mind.  UGH!  I am so disappointed with myself, so not happy with myself.

On Monday, I voted.  I had to.  Well, I didn't have to vote on Monday exactly.  I had to vote early.  I had not registered to vote, so Early Voting was my only option.  I guess I didn't HAVE to vote at all for that matter, but in my eyes that is not an option.  Voting is a right, it's a privilege, it's a must.  There are people, and even more women all over the world who are not allowed to vote.  So, for someone who is a legal citizen with no felonies in the USA to not vote, in my opinion it is inexcusable.  As a military spouse, I, 100% understand what the wives of the men who shed blood for our right to vote went through, and I believe it is important for me to exercise my right...otherwise the blood was shed for nothing.

So, I picked Monday to be my day!  Why did I pick Monday?  For many reasons...1) I thought Monday morning would be a slow time and the line would be super short, 2) I remembered that the voting site is down the street from my house, and 3) the BIG one, both my kids are in school at the same time!  This last one was key.  This is the reason that pushed me over the edge and made me decide that yes, after dropping them off, I would go vote.

I was right.  It was a perfect day and time.  No lines, I went right in, placed my vote and was out in about 2 minutes.  I got my little early voting sticker and was on my way.  Nothing makes you feel more "adult" then voting.

Then I realized, I messed up.

If you have read some of my other posts you know how I feel about making sure my children know from an early age the power of volunteering.  How can I be so passionate about that and equally passionate about voting and not realize the golden opportunity I had to teach them about this process.  It was the perfect day for it.  The lines were short.  It was super fast.  It was down the street.  We could have left the house 5 min early and still been on time for school.  It would have been a fantastic opportunity to insert some practical application of what I try to teach them here at home.  CB is still a little young, but J......that kid remembers everything.  He would have soaked it up.  He would remember.  He would understand, ok maybe not understand, but he would get it at least a little bit. 

I'm not very political.  I do have very strong opinions on whom I voted for and if you would like to know reasons feel free to message me.  Probably from reading previous posts you are able to gather where you think I might stand.  I just prefer not to get into an online debate.

I want to throw out there that this is what I did.  What you do this year is going to be best for you.  I am not advocating that you must take your children with you to vote.  In fact, I live right down the street from the voting center and I have been offering childcare to my friends who want/need a few moments child free to vote.  I am not saying that you are a bad mom if you don't take your kids to vote.  I am just saying that I wish I had done things differently!

 I also wish that most political figures would be more honest. 

I wish there were some better examples for our children, in all areas of politics, from the local to the national level.

I wish I had taken my oldest with me to vote.

Next year, my friends, next year...there are elections every year, not just every four you know!

Adventures in the Purple Pumpkin Project

We are blessed.  No matter how hard we think our life may be there are always others who have it harder.  Today, my children are healthy.  I know it could change in an instant.  I have two friends who have little ones who are engaged in a battle with epilepsy. I first heard about The Purple Pumpkin Project from one of those friends who is doing a purple pumpkin contest on her blog.  The project was started by a father who wanted to raise awareness of Epilepsy in his town.  The project is quickly gaining popularity and purple pumpkins are popping up in towns all over the  nation. 

Many of you know, that purple is a color we adore in our house so I knew this was a project we could get behind for many reasons.  I also want to take as many chances as I can get to involve my children in any kind of awareness projects.  You are never to young to be aware. 

So we started... we used purple outdoor acrylic paint and real pumpkins.  On the pumpkin I did it took about 3 coats of paint.  The kids were each good with one coat.

 

And yes, I let them paint in good clothes.  I don't know what I was thinking, but we came away with lots of paint on everywhere BUT the clothes, thank goodness!  This shirt is currently CB's favorite!

 

After letting the acrylic dry, we spray painted them with purple Krylon Glitter Blast. 

 

Then we took small wooden letters painted with gold acrylic paint and hot glued them to the pumpkins.  Being the bow queen that I am I added the black and purple bow to my pumpkin.

 

Clara Beth made her pumpkin for my friend Christina's son Nate and Jack made his pumpkin for my friend Liz's daughter Maddie.  I know both the ladies from when we lived at Camp Lejeune years ago. They are both very strong women with very strong little ones.  I admire them so much.  Each have a blog that chronicles their days.  To read more visit the blogs of Christina and Liz.  Liz is running the Marine Corps Marathon and is raising money for CURE Epilepsy (this is a direct link to her fundraising page).

 

The kids had a blast.  I have been working for the past 4, well almost 4, years to instill craftiness in  my children.  They have a healthy respect for glue guns and of course an appreciation for certain colors.  It's a fun ride.  The thing that I hope they take away from these projects is that things they do and create matter.  Whether its doing a project to bring notice to a certain cause or creating a special gift for a special person...the things we do matter.  I encourage you to create your own purple pumpkins!  It's a great conversation piece and one that even the little ones can tell others about.  I would like to note that even with lots of coaching this afternoon, my almost 4 year old failed me when I asked him why we painted the pumpkins purple in front of another person.  He didn't even remember that we painted pumpkins, much less they were purple. Ahhh, oh well...we have them on the table and they are a reminder and maybe, just maybe by the time these are ready to be thrown away he will "get it."  Just another adventurous day in our lives ;)

Adventures in Examples

I know, I seem to be only posting every other month these days.  Only when I have something on my mind or my heart.  Bear with me, one day I won't have things that I feel you "need" to hear.  Right now though it seems that life lessons are all I've got and like it or not you must need to hear them too, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this right now.

Another season in our lives is winding down.  I can honestly say that while I haven't enjoyed learning the lessons we have learned, I do feel as though we have come out stronger and tougher and more loving and more appreciative.  I don't think I will ever understand why there will not be another baby Harlow joining our family this Fall.  I don't understand why the Lord continuously surrounds me with pregnant women.  I don't know why we are not pregnant again. What I do know is that we have 2 healthy children who absolutely are a joy to be around.  I do know that I have the opportunity to take a trip to Germany to visit my husband, a trip I would not have taken had I been 6 months pregnant.  I do know that I have had the opportunity to work at several Half Marathons and serve others while helping to raise money for charities.  Charities that make a difference in the lives of those whom I am close too.  Half Marathons that I would have been running had I not miscarried 3 weeks before the series started.   I do know that God is Good and while His plans are not our own, His plans are good.  

During this past season in time, I have become increasingly thankful for my healthy little ones.  Losing a baby has reminded me that life is precious and life is not a guarantee.  I have several friends with little ones who are not so healthy and I have seen them struggle (both in person and from afar), yet always keep their faith.  For me, seeing this example of love has led me to re-think my relationships with my own children and my relationship with the Lord.  Do I make the conscious effort to praise him in the hard times just like I praise him in the good times.  I my relationship with my children  I want to be present, I want to be grateful, I want to make others feel and know they are loved and cherished.  I want to be an example of love so that they in turn know how to love others.

Held By Natalie Grant

Two months is too little, they let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We?re asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We?d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We?d be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour
Watching for our Savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

Adventures in Blessings

This morning I am sitting with my coffee enjoying a few moments of free time super early and I am reflecting.  It's been about 3 weeks and I feel as though I am beginning to heal physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

I am done with my doctor's appointments and was cleared to beginning running again. I have to be slow and really pay attention to how I feel, but I can run!!  That means no pushing it, if I feel tired or short of breath I need to stop.  I'm totally fine with that, I just need to get back out there and start living.  I feel like running helps me to feel alive, and these days I need to feel alive!  I can fit into my clothes again (well most of them), which is a huge deal.  I seem to have lost the belly but kept the extra 10lbs. That will take a little bit of work to get off, but that is a project I don't mind undertaking.  I feel like I will be able to say that it is over soon.  I'm not sure many people will be able to understand those words. If you have been here you will, but the daily constant reminder of our loss is almost too much to bear some days.  It's not that I think we will ever forget our blessing that awaits us in heaven, but grieving and moving on is important to me in this personal process.

They say time heals everything.  That it helps you forget and move on.  I have come to learn that time may help you heal, but it doesn't make you forget.  That is okay, I don't want to forget.  I have a hope and a peace that transcends despair.  It doesn't mean that I do not get sad, or angry, or even crazy, it just means that I know things happen for a reason.  Although I do not understand the reasons for God's plans, I know that his plans are for good.  In some way I know he will use this for his glory.   I have to run to Him with this, otherwise it would be too much to bear.

I have had some wonderful opportunities to work with some awesome ladies as they adjust to becoming a new mom.  I love every minute of it.  Teaching and helping and presenting options as they figure out what works for them is so rewarding.  I have made some new friends and look forward to making many more.   I would love to continue to do this.  Having a miscarriage has definitely given me a unique perspective.  Made me more compassionate and more empathetic to the journey that ones takes to becoming a mother. 

I know I have said it before, but please feel free to share my journey with others.  Muddling through a miscarriage is scary and reading what others post is helpful to help push the clouds away.  The last question I asked my doctor on Thursday was, "When is the crazy going to go away?" She laughed and told me, "Welcome to the new normal!"  For so many people a miscarriage is a wake up call to the fact that you are not in charge of everything, and "the crazy," as I affectionately call is just the manifestation of that realization.  I have always known that God is in control, but in this case I physically saw it happen with my own body.  I do have a new normal!

Last Fall, after my sweet husband deployed, I heard a song on the radio that I have constantly come back to because it speaks to me on so many different levels.  It's the first song on my running play list, so that I start each run reminded of the blessings I have in my life and am able to reflect on those as I continue to get miles on my legs.  I posted the lyrics below...the song is Blessings by Laura Story.  Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.  I continue to cherish every conversation, phone call, text and email.  Your words continue to be a source of strength.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family,
Protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?
We pray for wisdom,
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?
When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Adventures in Healing

The response from my last blog post was overwhelming.  Thank you so much for your support and kind words.  I have had messages from people all over the world, many whom I don't know.  I am thankful that there are people out there who needed to hear what I have to say and it is being helpful.  Although days, hours, minutes, even seconds change from good to not so good all the time,  I do know "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)  The problem is that I know these things in my head, but my heart is taking a little longer to catch up!

Thank you for your calls, emails, and drop bys.  I am sorry I haven't always responded.  I have never been a phone talker and I just don't quite trust myself to call everyone back.  I am slowly getting to emails and Facebook messages.  Just know that I got them all and I do cherish your words.  I often look back over the texts or listen to the messages when I am having a hard minute to gain strength from your words.

Physically I am doing much better.  My body has just now realized it is no longer pregnant, as I have been having morning sickness most days this week.  I think I will still be yoga pants for a while, which is not a big thing....those I enjoy :)  I came off pain meds Thursday, and while I still am experiencing discomfort it is nothing like it was before.  Most people do not realize (I had no idea, but was so glad I had been warned!), that miscarriage is pretty much the same as early labor........same type of uterine contractions.  There is just no "reward" at the end, no reason to forget...........

I have good days and bad days.  Yesterday, was not a "good" day.  We found out a week ago on Friday (I actually miscarried Monday night).  It is hard.   I had given myself a deadline of a week for getting back into the routine of our daily lives and I failed, and I am completely ok with that.  I was an emotional wreck...yep I found myself crying during the Biggy Smalls tribute song by P-Diddy, yeah, what was I doing on the VH-1 "Memories" show anyway!  I tend to break down when people are really nice (thus, the no phone calls thing).  This is an issue I have always had.  I do just fine, until you are nice to me.  I would be better off if everyone was just mean............just kidding, please do not be mean :)

Today is a good day!  We have been re-arranging some furniture and hanging pictures.  For once the weather is beautiful and we are planning to walk over to a charity event in our neighborhood to see some trucks after naps.  It will be good to get out of the house for a little bit and be a normal family for a few hours. 

What I have learned this week is that it's all about perspective and understanding that it is ok for your perspective to suck once in a while.  Finding another person with the same perspective is helpful, but talking with someone who wants to hear your perspective is good too.  The Lord has blessed me with   sweet friends.  I'm learning that life will be different and I'm learning to be ok with that.

Adventures in the Hard Stuff

I know, I know...it's been a LONG time right?!?!  We've been a little busy around here with our special someone who came home in the middle of February!  I'm a terrible blogger and while I have came up with many new "ideas" and even started several new posts in my head it wasn't until a couple of days ago that I felt I "needed" to post again.  So I bring to you this new chapter in the story of our lives...I am going to warn you that it may not be easy to read, but for someone I hope that they are able to take comfort in our story.  I am pretty much an open book when I write so feel free to skip over the boring parts :)

The word VIABLE is 6 letters, 3 constants and 3 vowels.  Websters says it is defined as capable of success or continuing effectiveness.  Doctors use the word viable when describing a fetus.  Pregnant ladies prefer to not use the word at all.

On April 1st we found out that we were expecting again!  We were so excited.  We had found out 4 years earlier that we were expecting our precious firstborn in December, on April 1st too.  We were going to have an '08, a '10, and a '12 baby.  All about 2 years apart and while it would be CRAZY and chaotic for a while, this one would fit right in and we would make it work......might as well add another ring to our circus!!

We have always told people pretty early along in our pregnancies that we are pregnant.  It is important for me to have people praying for the baby and our family as soon as possible, and usually I need help early in pregnancy!  I am so super sick from 5 or 6 weeks on, that any and all help is greatly appreciated.  This time around going to the grocery store made me so sick, that a sweet friend offered to do my shopping at the same time she was doing hers.  Furthermore, at 6 weeks I couldn't button my pants and by 7 weeks it was very apparent that I was pregnant in a profile picture.  Seems the body just knows what to do when you get pregnant every year and a half!  Really, I would rather people know I was pregnant then they wonder.......

This go around we immediately told our families and our church family.  I also started telling my friends in my running group....I mean really they were going to know soon anyway.  Number one, running clothing is not loose, so not really easy to hide.  Number two, I had just just finished a half marathon and if I wasn't signing up to run races any time soon or running the same milage I had been running people were going to start wondering :)  I kept trying to figure out a clever way to tell my out of town friends and had finally decided on making shirts for the kids and emailing and posting a Big Bro and Big Sis picture.  Cute right?!?!?!?

I was so tired from both pregnancy and a 3 and almost 2 year old that I felt like I was spending most afternoons on the couch begging the little ones to watch a  movie with me!  Fun times, I tell you...once I found myself dozing on the floor while playing blocks with Jack and he was saying, "Mooooommmmyyyy can you heeeeeaaaaaarrrr me?'  Yikes, mother of the year, that is me!!

Last Tuesday I went in for a routine doctor appointment and they couldn't hear a heartbeat.  Don't worry they said, that is completely normal after 2 c-sections.  Now, this is my third pregnancy, and not hearing a heartbeat at 9 weeks and 5 days is not normal in my book.  I am thin and small, and in both my other pregnancies they were able to hear a heartbeat externally at 8 weeks.  My blood tests showed a a progressing pregnancy and I was still super sick every morning so I went with it, settling for a recheck in 2 weeks rather than the normal 4 weeks.  If I am truly honest with myself I knew then that something wasn't ok.  In fact I knew two days earlier that something was wrong.  I was still sick in the morning, but not as sick as I had been and I was feeling like I was starting to get better and get over morning sickness.  It was enough to make me pause and think about it....

On Thursday night I started cramping, by Friday morning I was bleeding, and after going to the Doctor and getting an ultrasound they confirmed our fears and the words "NOT VIABLE" were written on the top of my chart.  Those two words, and that was it........well, not really.  They gave me a prescription and told me what to expect and that was the start of the longest weekend ever.

It's interesting to me as I was leaving the office (just so you know they let those of "us" out the back door......I think so we don't scare those in the waiting room) that the doctor made sure over and over that I knew it wasn't anything I did that made this happen.  Which I absolutely, 100% believe is true.  However, there are so many environmental factors from caffeine to paint fumes to cleaning chemicals that we are told to avoid to "prevent" miscarriage when you go in for the first ob appointment that it makes one wonder as you are leaving the office and hearing "those words."

I have a wonderful family, an amazing church family and fantastic friends whom as soon as they found out about our loss showed up with food, offers of help, kind words, and new presents for the kids.  I know presents for the kids, how odd???  BUT I can say the new bubbles have been a lifesaver in keeping them busy while I have been recovering in bed this weekend. 

"What I have learned in the past 48 hours?" I asked myself. I have had plenty of time to sit and think (or lay and think) and I have decided that I can not imagine going through this alone.  I am so glad that we told people early that we were pregnant.  Yes, it is hard tell people that we are no longer pregnant, but it would be harder to not have people checking in, or not offering to keep the kids, or not offering words of comfort and support.  I think having to pretend like this didn't happen would be much worse.  And if/ when we get pregnant again, I am sure we will tell people as soon as we know then too.  I also respect those who tell people they are pregnant only after hitting the second trimester mark. That is what works for them and if that is what makes things easier for you, then that is the best decision for your family.  Too many times we judge others based on our own personal passions and beliefs.  What is best for me is not going to be best for you.  That is the way God made us.

Miscarriage in some circles has become taboo, it happens a lot more than we all like to think, but yet seems to be something that no one really likes to talk about.  I get that and I totally understand why.  I even understand more now when I got that "knowing" look from a friend when she heard me telling someone I was 6 weeks pregnant.  I now know, she had been here before.  She knows how hard it is, and she didn't want me to have to be here.  I'm not going to bring it up all the time and I'm not thinking it is going to be any easier to talk about ever, I just don't think it needs to be my secret.  I am pretty certain there is someone out there that needs to read my story.  Besides if you watch any Lifetime movie, those who pretend to be pregnant for the entire 9 months usually don't end up in a good place!  Remember Mr. Shue's wife on Glee.  Did not end well!

So why did I decide to blog about this extremely personal experience of ours.  Well, after turning to "Mr. Google" I was unable to find another blog with the same sadness, but matter of factness that I felt was me.  I needed my feelings to be validated, yet hope to be offered at the same time.  More than anything I wanted to find a place where I could be like "Yes!  That is totally how I feel!" and "Yes!  Good days and bad days are normal!" and "Yes! I am on the same page!"  So, I decided to write about my feelings and personal experiences in hopes that I could provide it for someone else. Please feel free to share our story with others if you think they will benefit from reading it!

It's ok.  I am ok, or I know I am ok, or I know I am going to be ok.  This is a good hour.  The next one might not be so good, but we will see in another 18 minutes.  As it is, I am writing this under the influence of pain meds......

We have 2 wonderful blessings here on earth and an amazing blessing in heaven.  The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle and I take comfort and gain strength in knowing that He has a plan for us.  He has already prepared this path that my family is walking down together and together we are growing stronger in Him as we continue on our crazy life journey as a family of four........for now!

Adventures in Roller Coaster Riding (the emotional kind!)

So here we are! We have been through the ups and downs of what one affectionately calls deployment life and we are at the end.......oh, but wait. You just THOUGHT we were at the end. Remember, we have talked over and over again about the word "change," that seems to go hand in hand with this life-style. Yes, that one word when uttered in front of the military spouse has such power and control that it usually renders her speechless. In our life,a military member can often come home from work at any random time and say that dreaded word and his or her spouse instantly knows that life is about to shift directions. It's not always bad, and we know to expect it, but for anyone "change," can be difficult.

For us, our "deployment adventure" start date was constantly changing, so I should have known to expect the end of the deployment return date changing too!!  During a deployment, the one constant that the spouse hangs onto is a return.  Not that it always happens, there are many who do not get the privilege of having that reunion. There are several of those husband-less spouses here in Jacksonville.   It is a reminder that not everyone comes home, and for me after I had my own insignificant pity party they have been on my heart in these last few hours.

So my fantastic husband was supposed to return home to us 2 days ago, well at least that is what we thought and what we were hoping for.  The date got moved back 24 hours, and then 20 hours before we were supposed to leave to go wait to pick him up, we found out that they were going to be delayed several days.  D.A.Y.S..........geeze that is a long word, especially when you have been waiting  months.  By this time the house was clean, the laundry was done, we had food (good food I might add) in the pantry, the sheets had been changed and the kids, well, they had eaten all but one of our "count-down kisses."  We were ready!  And so it is life and the struggles that come with it...How do you not cry?  How are you not disappointed?  How are you not frustrated?  You are, and it is ok........Seriously, if there is one thing we know, it is that it will change!!

And this brings to me the point I am now at after the serious pity party I had yesterday.  I did get a new Keurig out of it and I am super excited about it, so it was a good party!  If you are going to throw one it might as well be a good one!!    I can say that unless you have been through a deployment personally, it's probably not a good idea to give advice, or say encouraging things when you have a friend or family member who is dealing with a delayed return.  We know you mean well, but it comes off as superficial platitudes.  I love my friends and family dearly, but saying things like......."He will be home soon!" or "What's a few more days!" or any other positive words is not really a good idea, I promise you will get funny looks or they may let your next call go to voicemail! I'm just being honest, and if you think about it, I'm sure you get it too.  It just plain sucks, and saying much more than that seems very trivial.  I know that the reason for the delay is way beyond the control of anyone.  God controls the weather and unfortunately, bad weather can cause delays.  Or things break, there is not necessarily a reason they just do!  I know this already.  Knowing these things does not make it better or even easier.  Not everyone gets to come home. I am grateful. I am thankful. I am blessed. I know that things could have been different. I know that my children do get to welcome home their Daddy in the next few days.  These are the things I hold onto, the things that get me through the last few days.

The kids are excited.  Well, J is.  He totally gets it that Daddy will be home soon.  He was concerned when he figured out I added more kisses.  He is more than happy to eat them, but he's a smart kid and he remembered when we were not supposed to have any more in the jar!  CB has no clue and no sense of time.  We are thankful for Skype.  That bit of technology has been so helpful in creating a relationship with her Daddy.  She will at least know what he looks and sounds like.  Yes, she is his princess.

So, I'm sure you are wondering where are we at now in the process.  Well, we got good news and we have another date and even a time.  We will see.......this time I am a little more cautious.  No one likes to add more Hershey Kisses to the count-down!!

Adventures in Amazon Mom

The Amazon Mom program is CHANGING, and not going to be nearly as good as the old on in my opinion.  This makes me a little sad.  This is an email that was sent to me directly from Amazon;

"The Amazon Mom program is changing in 2012 and we want to make sure you know about it. Some of these changes affect your membership. Here's how:

1) Starting on January 24, 2012, the maximum discount available on diapers and wipes subscriptions will be 20%. This includes a 5% Subscribe & Save discount plus an additional 15% exclusively for Amazon Mom members who are earning free shipping benefits or have an active Amazon Prime membership.

2) Customers who join Amazon Mom in 2012 will get three months of FREE Two-Day Shipping benefits. Once the initial free period is over, customers can join Amazon Prime to continue to receive full access to Amazon Mom and Amazon Prime benefits.

We hope that you have enjoyed the value and convenience of your Amazon Mom membership over the past year. To continue receiving all the benefits of Amazon Mom, join Amazon Prime for $79/year. As a Prime member you'll receive:

1) 20% off diapers and wipes subscriptions with Amazon Mom and Subscribe & Save.
FREE Two-Day Shipping on millions of items.

2) Unlimited instant streaming of thousands of videos with a wide range of content for the whole family, including Sesame Street and Phineas and Ferb.

3) A Kindle book to borrow for free each month from the Kindle Owners' Lending Library.
Membership sharing benefits: invite up to four household members to share your shipping benefits for free."

Confusing right??  So this means if you are an existing Amazon Mom member;

1) All Subscribe & Save discounts will be dropped down to a total of 20% off, even if you have subscriptions that started at 30% off.

2) After 3 months, you’ll need an Amazon Prime membership to get the extra 15% Amazon Mom discount.

The real question is would Amazon Prime be worth it for you and your family?  For us not so much!  We are pretty much on the tail end of wipes and diapers so that savings is not going to be necessary.  Until then, I play the Walgreens and CVS games and get great deals on my diapers that way, for the oldest.  The youngest is in cloth.  I would never use the free streaming and I borrow and lend Kindle books with friend all the time, so neither of these are incentives for me.

The other thing I use my Amazon Mom account is for snacks and food.  I have found so many of these items qualify for free super saver shipping after $25, that I am still not paying for shipping.  Don't forget you can get free two day shipping from Diapers.com after $50 AND you can use coupons AND they price match!  So, while Amazon Mom has been good for the last year or so, it might be worth it now to switch over to Diapers.com for your baby needs.

ALSO, a friendly reminder...if you have subscriptions open in the Subscribe and Save program on Amazon, you  should cancel them now.  They will still send you the items even if you are out of the program and the costs are much higher!!!

Adventures in Heartsy

If you enjoy daily deals AND handmade items then I have the site for you.  Heartsy describes itself as "Exclusive deals on fabulous handmade designer items with members-only prices."  Heartsy is a division of Etsy and the new daily deals site where you can save a ton on amazing handmade designer items.  Etsy is basically an online craft fair.  You can find all kinds of handmade items on Etsy from hand painted signs to jewelry and clothing..  As a shameless plug, while you are browsing on Etsy make sure you stop by our shop, By Cee Cee.  We have all kinds of handmade items for the special little ones in your life. 

Adventures in Raising Compassionate Children

As the holiday season comes to a close, I am left wondering if I do enough to instill compassion in the little hearts of my children. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the little people in our family can do to help others.  It's important to me to not only tell them, but also to show them how blessed we are to have what we have.  I want them to understand that there are so many people who are in a different situations than us, and who do not have as much as we have.  I want them to know from an early age that life can change at any minute and we do not take things for granted. 

We did the Toy's for Tots program, and we also always put change in the red pots outside stores.  We also participated in Operation Christmas Child.  We helped with care packages for deployed men and made cookies for our neighbor.  Teaching giving is easy during the holidays, but that is just it.  I don't want to teach just giving.  I want to teach compassion.  I want them to feel something when they see someone who needs help, whether that is opening a door and helping someone with groceries or placing spare change in a jar for a cancer patient.

How do we do this?  Well, I know that my children emulate pretty much every thing I do, so modeling is the first step in my "Compassion Bootcamp," that will last at least 18 years.  I know, that is a LONG time to be in bootcamp right?!?!  We also plan to talk a lot about it.  I know from a young age that kids understand a whole lot more than we give them credit for.  It's funny how they can hear the word "cookie" and little ears perk up, but you yell "STOP," when they are running away in a parking lot and you get a blank stare.  Taking to heart they are understanding your words; instead of saying "don't stare at the lady in the wheel chair," when you are in the checkout line and they ask very loudly "Why is that lady in a wheel chair?" A better response maybe saying something along the lines of "Some people just need some extra help to get around,"  Changing my responses will however challenge me to stop giving the easiest answers.  Not an easy task when my 3 year old notices EVERYTHING and asks questions loudly about it ALL, but we all know that raising kids is not easy.

Step two in my Compassion Bootcamp is to expose my kids to the "not so easy" parts of life.  As they get older it will be easy to volunteer in soup kitchens and help out in clothing closets.  Right now we can purchase school supplies for kids who may need them, sort through old toys to donate, and buy food to donate.  But physically taking the kids to these places will help them to gain a visual of how life is different for others, and yes this too will spark some interesting questions.  Thing One asked me why a man was so dirty and smelly, again he asked this question LOUDLY, when we made some donations to a soup kitchen last week.  We talked about how some people don't get to take baths because they don't have one...to which he replied, "That is soooo cool, he is really lucky."  So, maybe three years old is a little young to understand it, but you get my drift and what I was trying to do!

Step three in Compassion Bootcamp is teaching little ones to do things for others without wanting anything in return.  This one is the easiest to actually do, but the hardest lesson to teach so they get it.  We don't actually have to talk a lot on this one...well, take that back.  There are no answers to the questions besides, "just because."  "Why are we baking cookies for the Marines coming home from Afghanistan?"...."Just because it is a nice thing to do."  "Why are we helping the neighbor weed her garden?"......"Just because it is a nice thing to do."  "Why are we visiting our friend in the hospital"...."Just because is it a nice thing to do."  The end goal being that my babies grow up doing things just because it is a nice thing to do.

These are my 3 steps, but I am sure you can add more and I would love to hear them!  I surely need all the advice and suggestions I can get.  Supporting each other in our adventures in raising babies is what this is all about.  I love hearing from grandmothers too...I mean they have already been there and done that!  You guys can tell us where you messed up, so we can avoid your mistakes or at least feel like our own mistakes aren't so bad.

One of J's little friends needs to use a walker when walking due to a genetic disease. The other day as we were looking through pictures online he said "Mom, you know why he needs that thing?"  I said, "No, why?" He said with much confidence, "Well Mom, he just needs a little more help that's all."  So, maybe, just maybe, we are making headway on this compassion bit that I am so compassionate about :)

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
1 Peter 3:8

Adventures in Amazon's Answers

So the new site My Habit, seems to be Amazon's answer to Zulilly, Totsy and the other daily deals sites.  It's interesting and doesn't seem to be such a big hit yet.  I didn't find anything mind-blowing yet, but it is Amazon and I am sure that will follow shortly :)   Happy Shopping!

Adventures in Natural and Organic Coupons

Coupons for Natural and Organic items are not always easy to find.  Check with your local organic market to see if they take coupons.  Often that will be your best value, otherwise keep on the lookout for these products at your grocery store or at your favorite online venue.  Seeking Truth Daily has put together a long list of all of the natural and organic coupons currently available on manufacturer’s sites. Definitely check it out to see if there are coupons there for products you routinely buy.

Nutiva Coconut Oil Only $6.08 Each Shipped: I think this is the lowest I’ve ever seen these. Right now Nutiva Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil, 15 oz. Tubs (Pack of 2) is only $12.15 shipped! Use Subscribe & Save (you can unsubscribe later) and code NUTIVJAN to get this price.

Two Nail Polishes for $6.95 Shipped: Use the code ZOYA2012 at checkout to receive any two colors of Zoya nail polish for free. All polishes are made without toluene, formaldehyde, DBP (phthalates) or camphor. Use code on anything except Spring 2012 and True and Fleck Effect lines. You only pay the $6.95 shipping. One offer per household. (Thanks, The Frugal Greenish Mama!)

Simple Shoes 80% Off and Free Shipping: At 6PM.com, Simple Shoes (made with primarily eco-friendly and organic materials) are all discounted, with many pairs up to 80% off regular price and shipping is currently free (it’s automatic–no code required). Look quickly as sizes are selling as fast now that these shoes are no longer being made. (Thanks, Organic Deals!)

Natural and Organic Coupon Roundup: Get 5 $1 coupons for Coleman’s Natural meat products (survey required), $1/1 Wholesome Sweeteners Organic Honey, $1/2 Erewhon Cereal, $1/1 Oregon Chai, $1/1 Kashi GOLEAN Cereal, $1/1 Kettle Potato Chips, $1/1 Woodstock Foods Organic product (Facebook offer), various Lifeway Kefir product coupons (signup required), $1/1 Celestial Seasonings Wellness Teas (Facebook offer). (Thanks, Organic Deals!)

$15 for a Natural Mineral Makeup Kit: Eversave has a Natural Mineral Makeup Kit for $15 with free shipping. This makeup kit includes mineral glow powder, bronzer, kabuki brush, and more.
EOS Organic Lip Balms $0.99: At Walgreens, get an EOS organic lip balm for $2.99, and get back $2 in Register Rewards, making it $0.99. Limit of one. (Thanks, Organic Deals!)

Adventures in 2011

WOW!!  I have been a blogger slacker!! While I despise excuses I can say that well, life has been a little over the top since I last posted and it will take several posts to catch up.  For now, like most bloggers, I am in reflection mode so that is what you are going to get today!

In January, we were living in a very cold and snowy Rochester, NY anxiously awaiting where our new duty station was going to be.  We had just found out during the Christmas break that we were not moving to VA, but didn't really have any idea where we were going! 

In February, a fantastic crafty friend and I decided to learn how to make tutus for the 4 little girls in our playgroup.  From that idea we spun a little out of control (in a good way) and ended up creating a small business creating children's handmade items..  You should really check us out...www.byceecee.com.

In March, we officially launched the business with a tutu party AND found out we were moving back to Jacksonville, NC.  I will be honest.  I was a little bummed.  I had wanted to have another adventure and move to a totally new location and experience all that goes with that.

In April, we had a calm before the storm so to say.  We hung out at home and enjoyed the weather that was finally breaking!

In May, my fantastic sister and her family came to the states to visit.  We spent the month checking out Nashville and getting to know the newest cousin.

In June, we traveled all over the place visiting grandparents in SC and checking on the house in NC.  Did I mention that we owned a house in Jacksonville??  So yes, we knew that one day we would be back and kept the house....which in the end was a good idea!

In July, we said goodbye to a now very pleasant NY and hello to a very hot NC.  CB also turned one.  We did some house repairs and then moved right back into the very first, and so far, only house we have ever bought.  What a blessing it turned out to be.  Although I would have loved a new adventure, it sure was nice to be back in a familiar place and already know where furniture was going to go.

In August, we learned that my husband would be deploying within weeks.  This turned out to be a maddening process.  I'm talking date changes every few days.  No kidding, I thought I was going to lose my mind!  I also started running in August.  This has single handily been the best decision of the year.  I joined a group o military moms who support each other not only in fitness goals, but also in life goals.  These ladies I feel I have known forever and in actuality it has only been a few months.  In fact, my best friends in the group I have only known about 12 weeks.  That is a huge plus about military spouses; friendships are quick to form for several reasons and you feel like you are family from day 1.

In September, we braved a hurricane!!  The first one in several years.  We lost a little bit of siding, but had no real damage.  The kids and I went to a hotel and here in town the power was out for about 48 hours.  We fared well.  It could have been much worse.  Daddy also left for Afghanistan and thus we began a new journey.

In October, we had lots and lots of visitors from out of town.  This was FANTASTIC!!  We stayed super busy as we tried to figure out how to make life work with my husband gone, but still include him as much as possible!  Thank goodness for Skype!!

In November, we got to host Thanksgiving.  I have always wanted to do this and it was soooo much fun for the kids and I. 

In December, my computer crashed and off to HP it went.  It took about 2 weeks to get it back and ready for life again.  December was also a little crazy as I worked to figure out how to make aprons, skirts and bows to sell online and at craft fairs!  Finally, we also took a trip to visit friends and family for the holidays.  We went to VA, MD, NY, OH, TN, AL, GA, SC and back home.  The trip lasted a little longer as my Aunt passed away just a few days after Christmas after an extended illness.  We were fortunate to be able to stay and be there for the funeral.  It was a special time for my family.

What does 2012 hold in store for us????  I do promise to be on my best blogger behavior, but we also plan to ENJOY 2012.  My husband will be home in February and we are so excited to spend our days playing with the kids and experiencing life through their eyes.

2011 was a year when I learned a lot about life, raising babies, and being who I am.  I would have it no other way for I am completely in love with our Adventures in Chaos....