Adventures in Supporting Each Other!!

Being a Mother is the best job in the world!  The issue there in lies the fact that by definition mothers are women.  Women have so many wonderful attributes that help them to become wonderful mothers however, they also have a tendency to be catty, spiteful, and passive aggressive.  I know that there are bad mothers out there, although I doubt there are bad mothers who join Mother's groups, do extensive research online about products for their children, take their children to art, music, insert any other activity before the child is 3, join Facebook groups for Mothers, or participate in studies on mothering.  Why is it though that it is Mothers in these various places that insist on one upping each other or exclaiming that they are "making the ultimate sacrifice!"  It drives me crazy when I hear a mother speak in absolutes.  Personally, I don't think there is a place for absolutes except in Math.  Two plus two will always equal four, yet in the world of organic vs non-organic there are too many variables in which one can not really tell which is better.  In fact there are a number of studies that show some foods are no different in this realm.  The choice then is yours and what is best for your family.  Can we not skip judgement for a moment when we see a fellow mother in the store picking up a non organic ear of corn? 

I get a little crazy when I hear the Breast is Best argument from other mothers too.  I am extremely pro-breastfeeding.  I would really enjoy doing breastfeeding education and I have looked into lactation consultant training.   I believe that education is the key to giving many women the opportunity to experience breastfeeding.  For my family, I was fortunate to be able to nurse both my children for just over a year.  I am not ashamed to say (although I did get some "shame on you looks" from other breastfeeding mothers, especially those is "ahem" certain leagues) that I cut my son off cold turkey when he was 13.5 months and I found out I was pregnant with my second child.  Breastfeeding became excruciatingly painful and the BEST thing for our family at that time was to stop and switch to whole milk exclusively.  My daughter weaned herself at 14  months.  I know many Moms who have not been able to nurse, or who made a decision to not nurse because that was the best decision for their family.  Again before you judge the mother of a 6 month old for pulling out a bottle at your next playgroup, stop and think...maybe that mother needs to be on a long term medication that will pass into breast milk.  Maybe the baby is allergic to the mother's milk and no matter how hard the mother tries to cut everything under the sun out of her diet the baby is still not thriving.  Maybe the baby has a physical ailment that will not allow he/she to latch on or suck properly.  You see in some cases breast is not best....best is what is going to keep the Mama and baby healthy and thriving.

There are all kinds of arguments like these all over the place in the world of Motherhood.  You hear cloth diapers vs disposables, organic bedding and clothes vs "regular,"  co-sleeping vs crib sleeping, public school vs home school.  These are just a few, there are many, many more.  I, in fact, believe that most of the "arguments" and certainly most of the "facts, " come from the companies themselves who are selling products to said mothers.  In many cases the more expensive products equal "better" in the minds of parents.  Does a little one REALLY need an organic crib mattress?  No probably not.  Babies have been sleeping without them for years and many of us are still alive today without any problems that can be directly traced back to these "non-organic" mattresses.  However, many stores sell them for a hefty price and new parents think that the price tag means "better," thus their little one has the "best."

I am in no way saying that I am exempt from doing any of this.  I still compare my children to others and I find myself thinking judgemental thoughts at gymnastics/playgroup/insert activity here, sometimes.  I can say when I hear someone say something out loud to another mother I do jump in to the mother's defense even if I don't agree.  I definitely don't think we should put down another just because we feel uncomfortable in our own role as trying to be a "super mom."  Ultimately, that is what it boils down to.......our inability to feel confidant in our own skins.  Hey, right now I am failing my oldest child miserably by exposing him to harmful chemicals in disposable diapers that may cause him to not have children of his own one day, while my youngest wears the heavenly cloth diapers every day. This must mean that I love her more than I do him right?  Of course not, that is ridiculous.  We are doing what is best for our family at this time, and what matters is that I am happy with my decision, whether you agree with it or not.  My point is that when we see the decisions that others are making for thier families we are not priviy to all the facts.  We don't live in that mother's shoes every day.  We do not understand all the reasons her son may wear pink socks everyday or they have decided to homeschool.  As mothers we need to support each others goals to provide for and help guide healthy, happy children......not judge and nitpick each other's decisions!  We are all in this together and it's a really hard job.  I know I for one need all the support I can get!